Every time I remember to check my new baby progress, I am just shocked to see how quickly time is passing! It’s a bittersweet thing that has TONS of crazy emotions attached to it. Today, I woke up from some not-so-restful sleep and having those baby aches. My back to stomach feel stretched and tired, but it makes me smile. These past couple weeks I’ve felt amazing (thank you second trimester!) but seeing the weeks left, the countdown gives me anxiety. In a good way! I laugh at myself when I’m just going about my day and it hits me (again), I’m gonna be in the delivery room again. I’m going to go through labor. I’m going to be (even more) exhausted. I’m going to be back and square one with a squishy helpless baby that looks like me and Ian. I’m going to look at that baby and my heart is going to explode! (Pause for the tears welling up in my eyes!!!)
So many thoughts. All. The. Time. And I can’t wait!!!
–I’m a fancy hat no pants baby, no big deal. Just gonna watch a show with mom. Gotta have my fancy hat though… –
But in the meantime, I’m having bouts of mom guilt. Will I have enough time for Brody? Will he feel left out? Will he love his sibling? Will we get to a “normal” place? Will things be crazy town… forever? Will I be able to keep up?
Of course, everything will be beautiful and will work out. But, I remember those tough nights when Brody would cry and cry and cry and we would be up all night, not knowing what to do. With this second baby, will I know? Will I just magically have that momma knowledge under my belt? Will this baby be easier? I mean… we are worlds away from where we used to be. Ian and I are completely different people now.
We have grown and have learned even more about life and love since we brought Brodderik into the world. And I am SO grateful!! This pregnancy I am not waiting tables or bartending. I’m able to really take care of myself and my family. I have undivided time because I don’t HAVE to be anywhere doing anything. Ian is no longer teaching/coaching/ waiting tables (thank you LORD!). He has a wonderful job that provides SO much for us. We are no longer in a scary rental on a busy street. We have our own home to grow into! And, we are working on our debt. We’ve made a ton of great changes and I know our kids will be much better for it. I am thankful that we’ve made it here and I look forward to where we go next!
So, until our next beautiful baby arrives we are working on finding a groove. With Ian’s new job, he’s home more than he’s ever been! That means I have extra help everyday! And Brody gets his dad more than ever too. This morning, Ian let me sleep in and did the dishes and hung out with Bubby. There’s a new spark in my husband. My heart soars seeing his new side of him. He’s always been kind and dedicated but lately, he’s really stepped up to help me wherever he can. Even if it means he scrambles around a little while I’m sleeping. Thank you honey!!!
–The look on Ian’s face…. my heart is so full!-
So, today I’ll work on the laundry and relax as much as possible. I’ll play and soak up this time with Bubby. I wonder how much more laundry we will have with another baby… yikes! Definitely a scary thought ha ha! But, with the warmer weather lately here in town, I am just DYING for spring!!! I am wait to be outside everyday planting and gardening and running around in the grass. I can’t wait to see all of the beautiful trees and flowers come back to life. I’ll be pretty dang pregnant soon and Brody will be turning 2 in May. Where the heck did all that time go? He is becoming such a fabulous little boy. He surprises me every day wth his newfound skills and ornery side. Reminds me SO much of me. Especially when he’s dancing or making faces at himself in the mirrors. Nowadays, if he’s not relaxing by my side he’s running up and down the hall, chasing the animals, or playing and exploring on his own in his room. Never thought I’d ever see that! And it’s refreshing at the same time that it feels like letting go. That’s ok. I. Starting to get the hang of it… (convincing myself…). I know it’ll just keep happening, especially as both of the babies keep growing up. I never knew I always wanted to be a mom, until I met Ian.
Thanks for reading ❤️. Lots of love!!! -Erin