Super Sexy Weekend

Ladies… there’s nothing sexier than a man who gets things done!! Am I right?! My dearest hubs has been kicking some major project ASS this weekend!!! So, that definitely equals new level of sexy! I’m so proud!! By the time the new baby gets here we will literally have it all done! Yay!!! 
So, what’s been going on? I’ll show ya!! This will mostly be pictures and such! So, here it goes! 

As I was saying in the last blog, hubs decided he was gonna tackle our fridge project! And that he did! It was pretty cool to watch :). Though, I did help get it in the actual wall and a tiny bit of painting. Hubs did it all! I LOVE it! Aaaand the house is kind of a work zone sooo it’s messy, I’m sure you won’t mind! If ya do… well… whatever lol. 


Before, the fridge was in a horrible spot! Very inconvenient and took up weird space. 


Hubs and Bubs bonding over prepping the wall. SO adorable!! Didn’t get a dry wall demo picture, oops!! FYI, dust… everywhere!!! Gonna be dusting for months lol. 


Bubby watching dad get the last bit of drywall out. He was fascinated! Of course he was napping during the harsh part of he demo. No Bubby lungs getting weird dust! 


Yay! It was meant to be! The other side used to be a coat closet that we literally NEVER used! So, bye bye closet! Hello more kitchen space!! 


Next, the extra wood was cut and out of the way! 


Then of course he braced it from the inside :). Aaaand I caught this gem! Love it!!! Bahahah! 


Just cleaning up the front lol. 


Then TA-DA! Fridge in the wall!!! And new dry wall patched on the right side :). 

And then, new mud and texture! And paint!!! Yay!!! Tomorrow, we touch up the purple :D! 


Seriously, SO happy about this!! All that’s left is putting in the new vent and some pretty framing to make it clean and beautiful! Yay husband!!! So proud!! 

But! Not only did he do this, he also did some other projects! I helped here and there, he mostly let me relax and be pregnant. Pretty dang awesome of him! So, I handed him tools, kept him hydrated, and did some painting. Cool by me! 


He sanded our coffee table…


And painted it! Beautiful Luscious black! 

Then he took down the crazy…GIANT… dark…looming and invasive cabinet that was above the toilet! SO much brighter! And more simple! And he also fixed our sink! With new pipes and such! The last owners had it all crazy? 

Tomorrow, we paint a glass cabinet that’s go up in its place that’s 80% smaller than the last! And I’m going to paint the gross “white” walls. Gonna be way better until we can reno the whole thing :). More pics to come later!

And then! To finish the day off, he got this wall painted! (And the fridge wall). After we got a new entertainment center the cinnamon crunch had to GO! Sooo… my papa got us a new color :). And I am in LOVE! 

It’s so soothing! And makes me happy! And think of polar bears and Klondike bars? Not sure why, but I dig it!!

And of course Bubby found my rain boots that were stored away in the coat closet! So, he of course wanted to try them on. He was SO happy!! Definitely a highlight of the day. Too much cuteness!! 

Anyways! That’s what’s been up with us the past couple days!! Lots of trips to Home Depot in between. And of course we have some other fun projects around the corner! A sliding barn chalk door, installing the dishwasher, new counter tops, painting all the cabinets, new flooring….. laundry room craziness! I’m so happy to see things coming together!!! 

Thank you husband! Thank you thank you thank yoooou!!!!!!! 

Stay tuned! I’ll do progress updates and and such!!! Thanks friends!!! 

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Ouchness


Good gravy! I forget I have limitations! Yesterday after my morning juice, I had TONS of energy!! So instead of relaxing (like my husband sweetly asked me to…), I did stuff. Like… a lot of stuff. Pumped up the jams and got to rockin’! Got the kitchen spotless, cleaned up the living room, vacuumed the furniture, organized Brody’s room, played and danced lots, did a bunch of laundry, and finished it off with yoga during Brody’s nap. I completed 36 Sun Salutations with Ultimate Yogi. Then I took a nap! My back was feeling achy (all day) and I figured it’d be better when I woke up. Wrong!!  


I could literally barely walk!! Sharp horrible pain deep in my lower back and pelvis. Sooooo, I carefully retrieved Bubby and turned on a show on the bed and did nothing. 3 HOURS later, it finally relaxed. Note to self…. My injuries are not better. Gosh dang it! 
So, in my sleep last night, it all caught up with me!! Thankfully, I could walk much better! But all of the rest of my body was tight and burning. Ha ha!! Maaaan, it took me until 2:40 ish today to feel any sort of normal. The whole morning I got dizzy every time I stood up. Ya know? That crazy seeing sparkly things kind of dizzy? Not fun! I started wondering if I got the flu! So I would snack and stay hydrated. Brody hung out and played by me all morning and watched Netflix while I was bundled cozy on the couch. Next thing I know, Brody is slumped over on my hip and I wake up! We both passed out watching Octonauts, one of Brody’s favorite shows. So, feeling like a zombie, I put him in his crib, eat a snack, hydrate, and lay down on the bed. I can feel every muscle burning as I stretch. 


Then, I sit up and it dawns on me. Go take a hot shower silly! So I did just that. I could feel the sluggishness and pain just melt off of me. The quiet was serious therapy. I didn’t even think about anything! Definitely refreshing! I expected Brody to be awake by the time I was showered but… still peacefully sleeping! Yes!!!! That gave me time to indulge in a homemade face mask, actually do my hair, and do my nails and toes. I’m only slightly sore, still super exhausted, but I feel much better. I realize I need to slow down and not overdo it so often. Lately, it’s like every other day I have TONS of energy and the next my body is just wrecked. I really need to remember that I also chase after Brody all day. Aaaand that I’m growing a human every second of the day too. This stage of pregnancy, migraines and aches are common so I should really not try to add to it all, ha ha! 


So, yes… I have limitations. Especially with my back. Ever since I slipped during my pregnancy wth Brody, it’s given me a lot of hell. (Sigh) One day I’ll get it figured out! But probably not during any of the time I’m makin’ babies. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger? Or at least a little wiser? One things for sure, I think Ian has a super husband sense. Whenever he tells me to just chill… and I don’t… well I end up feeling like crap! So, I suppose I’d better listen and actually start just being pregnant. I realized, I’ll have my hands fuller not too much longer from now. Though, will making progress on the house quicker be better? I’m at a dilemma! But, I think husband caught the progress bug!!! He up and decided to get a big project in the kitchen going this weekend! I am SO excited!! I will post pictures of everything :)! This is BIG! And, I get to paint! I love it! With husband getting things done I think I’ll really chill. Maybe… 

Second Time


Every time I remember to check my new baby progress, I am just shocked to see how quickly time is passing! It’s a bittersweet thing that has TONS of crazy emotions attached to it. Today, I woke up from some not-so-restful sleep and having those baby aches. My back to stomach feel stretched and tired, but it makes me smile. These past couple weeks I’ve felt amazing (thank you second trimester!) but seeing the weeks left, the countdown gives me anxiety. In a good way! I laugh at myself when I’m just going about my day and it hits me (again), I’m gonna be in the delivery room again. I’m going to go through labor. I’m going to be (even more) exhausted. I’m going to be back and square one with a squishy helpless baby that looks like me and Ian. I’m going to look at that baby and my heart is going to explode! (Pause for the tears welling up in my eyes!!!) 
So many thoughts. All. The. Time. And I can’t wait!!! 

I’m a fancy hat no pants baby, no big deal. Just gonna watch a show with mom. Gotta have my fancy hat though… –



But in the meantime, I’m having bouts of mom guilt. Will I have enough time for Brody? Will he feel left out? Will he love his sibling? Will we get to a “normal” place? Will things be crazy town… forever? Will I be able to keep up? 
Of course, everything will be beautiful and will work out. But, I remember those tough nights when Brody would cry and cry and cry and we would be up all night, not knowing what to do. With this second baby, will I know? Will I just magically have that momma knowledge under my belt? Will this baby be easier? I mean… we are worlds away from where we used to be. Ian and I are completely different people now.
 We have grown and have learned even more about life and love since we brought Brodderik into the world. And I am SO grateful!! This pregnancy I am not waiting tables or bartending. I’m able to really take care of myself and my family. I have undivided time because I don’t HAVE to be anywhere doing anything. Ian is no longer teaching/coaching/ waiting tables (thank you LORD!). He has a wonderful job that provides SO much for us. We are no longer in a scary rental on a busy street. We have our own home to grow into! And, we are working on our debt. We’ve made a ton of great changes and I know our kids will be much better for it. I am thankful that we’ve made it here and I look forward to where we go next! 


-Here kitty, have some carrots with me! –

So, until our next beautiful baby arrives we are working on finding a groove. With Ian’s new job, he’s home more than he’s ever been! That means I have extra help everyday! And Brody gets his dad more than ever too. This morning, Ian let me sleep in and did the dishes and hung out with Bubby. There’s a new spark in my husband. My heart soars seeing his new side of him. He’s always been kind and dedicated but lately, he’s really stepped up to help me wherever he can. Even if it means he scrambles around a little while I’m sleeping. Thank you honey!!! 

The look on Ian’s face…. my heart is so full!- 

So, today I’ll work on the laundry and relax as much as possible. I’ll play and soak up this time with Bubby. I wonder how much more laundry we will have with another baby… yikes! Definitely a scary thought ha ha! But, with the warmer weather lately here in town, I am just DYING for spring!!! I am wait to be outside everyday planting and gardening and running around in the grass. I can’t wait to see all of the beautiful trees and flowers come back to life. I’ll be pretty dang pregnant soon and Brody will be turning 2 in May. Where the heck did all that time go? He is becoming such a fabulous little boy. He surprises me every day wth his newfound skills and ornery side. Reminds me SO much of me. Especially when he’s dancing or making faces at himself in the mirrors. Nowadays, if he’s not relaxing by my side he’s running up and down the hall, chasing the animals, or playing and exploring on his own in his room. Never thought I’d ever see that! And it’s refreshing at the same time that it feels like letting go. That’s ok. I. Starting to get the hang of it… (convincing myself…).  I know it’ll just keep happening, especially as both of the babies keep growing up. I never knew I always wanted to be a mom, until I met Ian. 


Oh! So that’s how I take off this dang onesie! 

Thanks for reading ❤️. Lots of love!!! -Erin 


Thankful Progress!


(Happy mama, tired Bubby lol)

Holy guacamole you guys!! I can see a light at the end of tunnel!! These past couple days of SERIOUSLY bustin’ rear have paid off! And I am SO thankful today, that I can actually see that we are finally getting a leg up on this chaos! Just a couple more things to check off the list and we will be looking pretty golden. FINALLY! So, today I’ve got some jamz pumpin’ in the house and I am motivated ❤️. Hubs told me to chill today, but sorry… ain’t happenin’! I’m too dang excited! And surprisingly, after some delicious fresh made juice (thanking the heavens..) I am feeling amazing. Despite my silly snack choice late last night… dang you convenient and horrible cup of noodles! Migraine city…. until juice. Yay!! Seriously people, let your food be your medicine! 


On that note, besides all the home projects, we’ve also incorporated juicing into our lives. This of course is going hand in hand with our Plant Based Whole Foods food plan. I am on top of the world! So is  Ian! And of course the babies are getting amazing nutrition as well! THANK YOU hours of Netflix documentaries! Surprisingly, super easy and guilt free. Ian has renewed energy at work each day! We both have experienced Better sleep, brighter skin, weight loss (slight bit for me), more energy, no cravings, less aches, more focus, less mood swings, and NO sickness. Only benefits here! Since Ian’s last weigh in he’s down 10 lbs in 10 days :). He even woke up wanting to go run the other morning. Big deal! As for me, I need less naps haha. So thankful!! 

Anywho, with all of the crazy projects going on, there were boxes everywhere! And extra furniture… aaaand lots of unorganized stuff. So, husband decided to use a bit his day off yesterday and get lots done! He cleaned the garage, got our fridge sold, and moved all of the extra stuff out of the house! Thankfully since I can’t lift stuff (BOOOO!) my brother in law helped him out with the furniture. Phew!! Now, there is TONS of space! I’m thinking… dance parties soon?! Yes. Very yes! 


So, today I woke up just too dang excited! Got the jams going and got to work! I can’t wait to see what Ian thinks when he gets home and sees how clean everything is. Muahahahah! I am having one of those crazy days. I love the crazy days. Ya know? That feeling of I am kickin’ ass today! Because really, there’s no other way to say it and do it justice. Even Brody is having a fabulous day! He’s been doing lots of dancing to the music. I always knew I’d have a “party baby”. I’m a proud mama! The Bubs appreciates a good beat! Definitely my son ❤️. 


Well, lunch break over. Time to mop, sweep, organize, purge, wash/dry/fold, and ROCK. I’m coming for you light at the end of the tunnel!!! Soon, I’ll be back in the gym (thank you Jesus!), now that my life is finally unexploding. Then, more time for play! And art! And music! And learning! And dancing! And FUN! Can’t wait! The break of enjoyment is in sight. Then, I won’t have to do the whole nesting thing haha! Because I think I’m getting it out of the way ha ha! 


Bubby enjoying some lunch with mama ❤️. 

Vicious Cycle to Simplicity


It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. I often wait until I have some quiet time because in the stillness, my mind gets busy. Funny how that works!! Sooo, I’m sitting down eating some lunch while Bubby naps. I’m just about through with the dishes and the kitchen is much less chaotic!!!! I am grateful for my renewed energy today. Because yesterday was a bit of a doozie. I often find that the day after a day where I feel like I’m unraveling, I actually get stitched back together a little stronger. I often forget irrational ugly crying sessions are something that’s necessary for life. Can’t keep it all bottled in! And for someone like myself, anxiety gets the best of me when I become distracted. I’m working my best to be completely honest with myself, be present, and face my thoughts/fears/challenges head on. Some days (like yesterday) I think I chose to run away in the form of a 3 hour nap. Granted, I’m pregnant and I realize I don’t give myself enough breaks. I’m stubborn and I often get wrapped up too deep before I realize, oh crap… I’m exhausted. STOP! Chill out for goodness sake!! So yes, instead of cleaning and continuing with projects, the baby and I snoozed. 


My poor Husband. My handsome, wonderful, best friend of a husband… is a gift every single day. Because not only did he get home late last night, he compassionately listened to me spiral into a meltdown on the way to Walmart. He hugged me, kissed me, and told me everything was going to be all right, multiple times. Then he cooked dinner for me. Oh, and he assembled a new shelf too!  I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!! He then put the baby to bed and snuggled me down for some mindless T.V. Exactly what I needed. This morning, he let me sleep in, fed the dog, fed the baby, and gave me a head start on the dishes before heading to work. His giving and considerate heart inspire me every single day. I am grateful. 


So, with the gift of today, I’m choosing to use my time wisely. And… repreatedly remind myself that I SERIOUSLY don’t have to get EVERYTHING done today. So far, I’ve gotten a 10 day menu planned and up where I can see it. Also, starting a new kitchen project (eeek!). Because I’m either a perfectionist with very high expectations for myself or I relax with Bubby and just be pregnant. I’m working on a middle mode, ha ha! So far, today is looking pretty good for finding it. I learn something every day and I am thankful for my journey. 


Lately, I’ve taken a good amount of time to get some perspective on things that deeply interest me. I feel as though I’m getting to know myself much better along the way. When I look back, I see how my priorities have shifted greatly. I think God is teaching me lessons and showing me new pathways. I feel as though this solitude has only come with benefits. Through this process, I find that every day I get somewhere to turn around and see that I’ve really had to turn things upside down first. Each room in the house is chaos today. From one project to the next, I’ve had to “destroy” in order to make progress. It is EXHAUSTING. But, every part is necessary. I think today I’ll make a master list of everything I can think of that needs to be accomplished by room. Somehow, that always gives me a little peace. It’s so much more tangible to see it all in front of me. It’s even more rewarding to cross things off! Does anyone else do this? Does anyone else just feel SO much joy when you see that you finally did it? I think probably so. If not. Definitely start becoming a list person!! I always remember someone saying… 

The weakest ink is better than the strongest memory…

Or something like that, ha ha! So, today I’ll put some energy towards listing my tasks. I know there’s power in taking a step like that,  especially for me. Today, I realize I’m not drowning in madness. I’m glad, because seriously…dang hormones!!!!

So, I smile. Today is beautiful and I’ll see what comes my way. Today, I have energy. Today, I have calm. Today, I have purpose in mind. Today, I set my intention and move forward. But first, I’ll take a selfie. LOL :D. 


The beginning of this week I decided to make my own shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Today I enjoyed it all in a nice quiet shower (thanks honey!!), and I am in LOVE with what it’s done to my hair. It’s got lots of volume and has made my crazy curly waves very happy. The more conscious I become of what I put in/on my body, the happier I become. Bye bye crazy chemicals! Hello healthy me ❤️. 

Take a Little Time


Today has been fun! I had a good night of sleep and had a clean kitchen for breakfast (yay!). And Ian and I have officially eaten breakfast every day for the past 3 days! Might sound silly, but it’s a big deal and something we are really working on :). I’m officially in the second trimester and have energy again!! Praise the Lord!! So, instead of spending that time snoozing, I’m working on quality time with the hubs. Also, we area actually eating at our dining room table (gasp!). Big improvements people! 
So, I’ve been a happier than usual camper! We are working on establishing routines with Brody now that he’s a little older. He’s even started trying to brush his own teeth, without me prompting! Makes me a pretty proud mama. And we’ve been working hard to get Brody eating like he used to again. That’s been quite the struggle. There were a couple weeks where he’d only eat maybe a meals worth in a day. Of course he stayed hydrated and was drinking his complete nutrition from the hospital still. But, this past week, he’s really made a BIG step forward in getting back to a normal appetite. But seriously, there were some tough nights I spent laying awake worrying. As every mother will when her baby is recovering from craziness. 
With this in mind, we’ve made some big goals and we want to start instilling habits and traditions in Brody. We’ve decided that every meal we eat we will cook. We work more together as a team now that Ian has adjusted to his new pace of work. We spend more time without phones or television. And like I mentioned above, we actually eat at our dining room table. Soon, we will be adding exercise back into the swing of things now that I’m not struggling through the days (wooo!!!). 

-Am I “glowing” yet? Haha! 

Thankfully, Brody is happy to watch every new thing. As in, daily meal prep! He stands or sits as close as possible and watches me cook our food. He even has his own garlic bottle that he helps season with (though it’s empty he loves it). He now willingly tries new flavors with his one little dipping finger. I just can’t help but smile!! Last night was the most I’ve seen him eat in FOREVER. I practically exploded with joy!! He had 4 helpings! Big deal!! 


So to make things smoother, we have been waking up earlier in the day. Because I have HAD IT with rushing!! Now, each day I’m excited to cook and prep, for the first time in my life. Because as crazy as it sounds, Ian has always been the cook in our relationship and he’s phenomenal! But, I’m taking a swing at things and loving it. I’ve realized it’s going to be an important part of the bigger picture that I want for our future. That cooking for those you love is a beautiful form of love in itself. Plus, it’s really a zen kind of feeling! I can seriously get lost in the tasks, with a little music of course. I find myself smiling at times, I feel quite silly, but I simply don’t care. Chopping onions however… I need to get faster at that hahah. The stinging is legit intense!! 


On that note, with myself as the cook I know exactly what’s going into our food. In a big way, I know this is best for my families health and I am grateful. We are already sleeping better, less cranky, more nourished, and more mindful. We are all trying new things this week and I’ve found some surprisingly amazing combinations of flavors! But overall, we are letting our food be our medicine. Fresh and unprocessed ingredients are the only thing we are bothering with. I’m glad to see where this’ll go, especially thanks to Pinterest for recipes!! 


Tonight, I really wanted some tortillas and I decided to make them. It’s actually quite quick, a good arm workout, and deliciously rewarding. It got me thinking, so many more people would be happier if they had this sense of accomplishment. That feeling I get when I create something, should be something everyone feels. That we should take a little time to do something simple and with our own hands, for our own health and sanity. For generations, cooking was always a big deal. I feel that with mine, something has been lost. I want to teach my children to respect our kitchens, our ingredients, our bodies, and our planet. It dawned on me… we are leaving things up to our children and our children’s kids, I need to be responsible for that. Do you ever think about hose things? What are we giving them, that will stick with them for a lifetime? What will they pass on? Overall, I want to pass on this: Love is always the answer. Treat your body well. Live simply. Forgive quickly. And respect others, even if they don’t respect you. 


I’m sure there will be more things added. But at this time, I see those lessons as vital to a happy life. That instilling a dutiful way of living will bring honor to everyone. I think that’s key to a world that is so desperate for love. We need to teach our kids to bring that love. In their cooking, in their jobs, in their manners, and in their interactions. I know that starts young. It starts in the home. Every day is a chance to learn something new, so keep your hearts open. Make beautiful things with your hands, especially deliciousness. 

A little lime and salt and I’m in heaven! Whole wheat tortillas 🙂 

Restless Mind

The dog started barking. He needed to go out and relieve himself. He never does that this early (late?). My husband was aggravated and woke up to go take care of him. Next thing I know, Brodderik has woken up and crying out. Frustrated, Ian gets back up to go comfort him. 
Being pregnant, I realized it was time for a bathroom break myself (ugh!!!!). Then, I go into my sons room to relieve Ian and take over. He heads back to bed as I hold Brody’s warm little body. Lately, since his accident, he’s woken up almost every single night. Exhausted, we got into the habit of bringing him back into the big bed with us. He’d squirm, kick, flop, and eventually sleep part of the time. I realized soon that was no longer working. More tired than ever, we have all been dragging through the days. But, in the past week or so I’ve made more of an effort to get him accustomed to staying in his crib again. Some nights have worked well others I find myself caving in, with the lack of sleep. But tonight felt different, because I took more time. 
I felt a tenderness wash over me that I haven’t had the patience for in a long while. Since he was in the hospital I think. Because, at that time I knew that he needed all of me 24/7. I realize there have been times that I haven’t been able to give that recently. The struggles of that have been very real, and I think I haven’t let myself be ok with that. Funny thing, yesterday I found a sort of forgiveness for myself, that I have needed for a very long time. Yesterday I simply said, I accept myself unconditionally, right now. Might sound silly but, I found that’s is serious hard core science, that visualization leads your subconscious into where you need it to be. More on that later I suppose. 
But, as I took my son into my arms, I held him very closely and tenderly. He stopped crying and just melted into me. I love that feeling. I didn’t want it to stop. So I stood there and swayed. Like we used to do all the restless nights in his younger times. I gently and slowly rubbed his back and smoothed his hair, planting a soft kiss on his little face here and there. I know he sensed my calmness, and I thank God that He equipped me in that moment. As we swayed together there in the soft light, I look up to see his sweet reflection in the mirror. His thick eyelashes fluttered and his breathing felt steady on my chest. I resolved to laying him down and the moment he left my arms he cried out again. But, I stood over him and soothed him and decided I would stay until he fell asleep again, instead of having him self sooth. He sat up a couple times and tried to lie down a couple more, until he saw his penguin in the corner. He grabbed him and held him close and looked up at me. The look in his eyes finally held understanding as they glistened from the tears clinging to his lashes. I lay his penguin down and gently patted next to it and Brody sunk down easily. I spent a moment more tucking him in and reassuring him. His eyes grew heavy and he became still, so I decided it was time to go. 
As I lay back down, my mind races. I’m so grateful that we had a successful moment and my heart feels lighter. But, friends, family’s, and circumstances start running through my thoughts. The house is quiet, and I can’t seem to get myself to sleep. I’m not aggravated by this, but I acknowledge I have a ways to go still. The trauma of the hospital hasn’t left my subconscious. I need to work on this. I think I finally know where to start, but time will be my companion for this struggle. 
Every time my son would cry out, nurses and doctors or even who was available would pop in. All hours of the day. Every single day. For this, I was grateful and bitter at the same time. My son had nearly excellent care during his stay, but some instances, were nothing but trauma. I still find myself waking up in a fog.
  Where am I? Is my son ok? Is he tangled up in his IV? Oh… I’m home. Why can’t I remember that? 


Each day, I find myself staring at him. Watching him run and play. Soaking in his smile and relishing in each new experience. I struggle with raw emotion. I cry often. I feel run down. But the joy my son gives me drives me and inspires me. How did God bless me with this person? How did He see fit to pick me? I often wonder these things, but deep down I know. Only could’ve ever been his mother. This journey is for me. Wherever it takes me, I’ve chosen to commit to being present. As much as that sounds so corny, it’s a real intention that takes awareness and mindfulness. In this moment that I struggle to sleep, I choose to learn and listen. I won’t get this solved tonight, but I’m grateful to feel and understand what I can of this. I forgive myself and accept myself unconditionally, right now. That is a gift in itself. 

A beautiful moment from yesterday that I was able to capture. Brody loves to share with me and feed me. He’s such a gentle spirit. I love him more and more each day. On that, I’ll try to sleep. It’s 5:49 am. Sigh…

Aching 

Growing humans is hard work. Any woman that’s ever had the blessing of a child knows the ins and outs of the aching feelings. I’m laying here thinking about my life. Reflecting and discussing things with my husband is one of my most favorite past times in the world. He’s my best friend in the whole world, and I mean that with everything I am. He gets me. He bugs me. He nurtures, teases, and protects me. Most of all, he respects me in and out with all the love that he has. And I am grateful. And, without him, I wouldn’t have ever met my son. Soon, we will meet our new baby. I am in awe that God gave me the gift of motherhood again. 
Today, I enjoyed a documentary series called The Beginning of Life. There was a moment that a man spoke about what the Chinese believe to be the beginning of life. That moment is when the man and woman meet, and find a beautiful desire for each other. In the moment they come together, their combined life essence becomes that new life. It was just so beautiful to hear that perspective. I don’t think I did it justice because it’s late and I of course can’t remember word for word, but that stuck with me. And really, isn’t that just something? 
Life essence. It has a powerful…earthy… ethereal feeling to it. It sparks emotion that you can only understand through feeling. I realized that feeling… that emotion… and rawness… is literally growing inside of me right now. That the beginning of creation is happening each moment that I have my own life essence thriving within. That all of these achings, are something that again, can only be understood through feeling. 

I’m hungry. I get dizzy. I forget things. I’m very tired. I feel everything. I am vulnerable. I am transforming. I am dreaming. I barely sleep. I’m constantly thinking. I’m planning. I’m calculating. I’m eager. And SO many other things. These are all the achings of motherhood. This is all because of the life essence forming inside of me. And I am grateful. Because, I am aching to hold this new person. And, I’m terrified and blissful. It’s the sweetest madness. 
The 31st of this month marks 7 years that I’ve been with Ian. I think back and see how far we’ve come. I am humbled by the struggles we’ve made it through and I smile. Life has been a crazy ride, but with Ian in my life, there has been so much beauty. More beauty than I ever could’ve imagined. As I lay here next to him, I feel complete and honored. My best friend, my husband, and the father of my children… he is more handsome than the day I met him. He gets me. He inspires me. He keeps me grounded. And I am more in love with him now than ever.
 Thank you for the aches. Thank you for this life. Thank you for your love. 

Work with Your Hands


First of all, good morning! It’s a gorgeous sunny day here despite the snow that’s still everywhere. The air is refreshing and I hope wherever you are, you get to see that the sun is still shining and today is a new opportunity. I also wanted to share a quick note with you. 

-My WordPress site here is directly linked to my Facebook. Every time I post, it automatically shares! I thought this was a great feature and I chose to use this option, so that I can still share parts of my life. I did this because I am not on Facebook for the time being. I don’t log in or see any interaction. So I apologize if that’s been a little confusing? But, I am available on here for interaction and my phone number is on my Facebook, so you can get a hold of me 🙂 – 
But, onto today’s blog! So, yesterday the hubs and I were in the middle of tidying up and he says, “What do you think of going to Home Depot today?” 

Well, we had been pinteresting, AND needed a solution for our master bedroom. We had been looking for a better way to bring space, harmony, simplification, and better storage into a couple problem areas. Thankfully, we came up with the perfect solution!! So, next thing I know, I’m painting the rest of our unfinished room that has literally taken a YEAR to get back to! That was super refreshing and felt very rewarding to finally see the progress. Then, it was off to the depot to get the supplies!! 
We came home with everything we needed and got to work. Thankfully, we had the wood cut at the store which really saved my home from crazy amounts of sawdust!! We multitasked between dinner, sanding wood, and a documentary on happiness called Happy. That was very touching and hit a couple chords on my heart strings. It’s SO important to go outside of your own perspective and see something in a different and thought provoking way. So, sanding and reflecting was pretty therapeutic in its own way. There’s something pretty cool about refining the feel and texture of wood that I never really knew about! For my first time sanding something so raw, I found it a little tiresome and I now have a newfound respect for smooth surfaces. Because it takes attention, time, and elbow grease!! 


Onto painting the shelves, black. Beautiful, rich, dark black!! Classic! Brody of course was mesmerized and wanted to help. Of course, I believe that kids learn best when they explore so I let him hold the roller here and there. AND get his little fingers on some paint. He was very happy to help! He also got to help with the sanding process, which I found completely awe inspiring and adorable. And as we moved on to the measuring, leveling, and anchoring of the shelves, he was right there too! And I started to see how very important it is to teach your children how to work with their hands. Brody had tons of fun and I know he was learning the whole time. 

This was a great reminder that our children are watching! So let them join in where they can explore safely. Every opportunity, let them expand their world because the building blocks for who they will become start out from early experiences. You never know what they will come to love, so give them options! These projects are also perfect for quality family time and teamwork! Bonding! Yay!! 


Obviously, It’s easy to pay for something these days. It’s easy to have someone else do all the work a just enjoy a finished product. Even though our project was simple, we put in the time and the work and we love it even more. It’s not quite finished yet but will be by tonight! Today Brody and I will spend a little more time sanding, painting, and finishing up. That quality time is important and the result will be SO fabulous!! More space, clean sight lines, simplicity, and openness. I can’t wait!! I always find myself learning from each project. I love that fulfillment. 

SO MUCH DIFFERENCE!! There used to be a giant clunky dresser for our entertainment center. It took up nearly the whole wall! And we always had to step awkwardly around it. There was also a tall looming shelf in the corner. Ugh, so glad they are out of there!! I can’t wait to post the final finished room :). Thanks everyone! 

Bye bye giant brown drawers!! 

Thoughts 

Projects. My life has been full of projects lately. I love it. Some days I do a lot, others I do a little, but every single day I get cuddles. That makes me happy. Especially when I’m exhausted, I think my baby understands. Because on those days, he plops down by my side often… and is calm and very loving. There is nothing like hugs, kisses, and cuddles from your own. There’s something beautiful and so unique about affection. It truly changes me every day. And it’s something that you have to give away too, you can’t be selfish.
Lately, there’s been a lot on my mind. Things I’ve wondered about for many years. I’ve had nightmares, thoughts of people from my past, mistakes I’ve made, and thoughts of the future. Mostly I find myself thinking… what matters? Sometimes it’s a broad reflection and other times it’s very specific. I find myself realizing a lot of change. Socially and inwardly. A lot feels shocking at the same time that the things that felt numb before, are starting to make more sense. To those of you that might find yourself reading this, I apologize if I’m rambling. But, I felt it was good to write at this moment. 
I’ve been taking an isolating quiet time in my life and for many reasons, I’m finding it necessary. Especially as the days go by. There’s much more calm. There’s much more focus, intention, motivation, and stark honesty. Because when you spend time in the quiet, you can be undistracted. When the glamor of social media isn’t engaged in every hour of the day, a lot changes. Because, what most of us don’t realize is the addiction that’s there. That there’s a coldness there. That life isn’t about living through pictures for others. That it’s really ok to not share every moment you have. I’ve started to see how, socially, things have really changed. And at this point in time, I’m at peace with where I am and what I’ve chosen. Whatever that means on a wider spectrum I suppose I’ll find out at some point. But, I feel recovery. In many ways. Recovery of myself, my home, my interactions with my family, and that’s bringing me to a place of discovery. 
Time. It’s a really odd thing. You often find yourself always searching for the need to occupy your time. Sometimes that means you hate the silence. Other times, it’s all you want. Some days it’s easy to not think. Others… it’s all you can do. Something very valuable happens when you listen, and just let it out or go. For me, music is something I deeply connect to. There’s not a single day that I don’t have music going. Often, I find my son dancing and I’m reminded that life is simple and beautiful. In those moments, I dance too, because there is no reason to hold back. Yoga has also been a great tool to connect with everything going on in my life. Because being is important. Running away is easy. Bills, fights, struggles, unfinished things, todo lists…. will always happen. And sometimes it’s easy to find yourself underneath it all, wondering how you got there. But, that’s also life. And God takes care of the sparrows. He will always take care of you too. Though, sometimes it takes those moments of surrender to see the bigger picture. And I know that every time I set out my mat, I will find that connection. With intention. And that makes me happy. 
When you feel all used up, energy gone, and unmotivated… I often find it’s time to do a gratefulness check. Look around, see the beauty, feel it, and smile. Because, living life without intention, can be damaging. But, it’s what you set those intentions toward that makes the difference in the end. From what we say, to the food we put in our bodies, everything matters. I suppose that’s my point. That you have to honor that deep connection to yourself and what’s around you, or you end up sick. And sickness comes in every form imaginable. So, try not to kid yourself. Don’t be numb. You have to feel. Because, you learn from what you are shown. And that can come from anywhere if you just keep yourself open. Which is a challenge. Daily. 
If you found any value in this, that makes me happy. And I am grateful.